When Women Compare Themselves

It is normal for women to compare ourselves to each other. We do this throughout all stages of life. Early on, we compare ourselves to our sisters or cousins and the popular girls in school, wishing we were like them. At times, asking ourselves, ‘Why can’t I be like her?’

I don’t know about you, but I’d also compare my body size to my sisters and girls at school. I was a little chubby by the time I started going to school and was self-conscious about that. I wasn’t an outgoing child, so I tended to keep my feelings to myself.

As time went on, I continued to compare myself with my high school friends and acquaintances. Looking back, I wasn’t very overweight in junior high or high school, but I felt like I was. I was about a size 12 back then. Fortunately, in high school, I was active in drill team and a dance class, so I was able to get down to a size 9/10.

I just remember wanting to snack on food all the time. I also felt like I had to restrict myself so my clothes wouldn’t fit tight. I remember being so desperate to keep my weight down in high school that I asked several classmates about how they were able to keep their weight under control. I got several interesting answers, which did not appeal to me.

One classmate said that she only ate one meal a day. Another student swore me to secrecy before she told me how she was able to keep her weight under control. She proceeded to tell me that she threw up after every meal. Well, I was disappointed because I wasn’t about to do any of the things they were doing.

As women, we continue to compare ourselves to our girlfriends, celebrities, and even strangers!  We do it all the time. We see someone with a nice figure and wish that we had her body.

Of course, the opposite is true as well.  We see women who are very overweight, and we either say to ourselves, “Lord please don’t let me get that big!” or “At least I’m not that big!”  Right?

Comparison Can Be Destructive

I think we all know how destructive the comparison game can be. We lose ourselves when we desire to be other than who we are. Wishing we had someone else’s life because from the outside, looking in, it looks like she has everything together—great body, pretty face, and hair.

We don’t know what she deals with behind closed doors. Her life could be filled with turmoil. She could be the very person who throws up after every meal or forever dieting to keep her weight under control. We just never know!

Comparing ourselves is a sign that we are not content with how we look (our body shape/weight) or even who we are as a person.

Our culture, unfortunately, lets “Hollywood” dictate how women should look and who and what is considered beautiful. Every woman can’t have “perfect” skin, teeth, hair, and body! Most of those women are covered in so much makeup and are airbrushed on magazines that they’re probably surprised when they see themselves too!

I suspect that if we knew what some of these celebrities have to go through to be “perfect”, I don’t think we’d be too anxious to be in their shoes.

I don’t think we really want to be them. We want to be ourselves—our best selves.

Accept Who You Are

For most of us, it takes time to get to the point where we accept who we are. It is because of the mental baggage we all carry around with us from childhood to the present. When we purposefully work through our insecurities, self-loathing, feeling unworthy, and not good enough, then we can move towards acceptance and contentment.

Accepting who we are is a process and unfortunately, some women, no matter how old they are, never get there.

This is why I love the 12-Steps of Recovery. With God’s help, we can really be transformed from the inside out. Working the Steps is a process, but I want to tell you that it is well worth it!  You can find healing, restoration, hope, and a new life in these Steps.

The 12-Steps allows us to live our best life because it enables us to work through issues that have been holding us back. We no longer have to let those things that kept us in bondage hinder us from living out our purpose.

Embracing who we are, with all our faults, is a process.

When we surrender our character defects to God, He will change us from the inside so that others will see our transformation from the outside.

Look in the Mirror

Now, there’s an idea! If you want to compare yourself with someone, compare yourself with the person you used to be! Have you stopped putting yourself down through negative self-talk? Have you developed patience with yourself and others? Are you less angry? Are you a better friend, wife, mother, sister, aunt, employee?

No one’s perfect, but ask yourself, “Am I a better person than I was yesterday or the day before?” Hopefully, your answer is yes. Listen, it is a process that has to be put into practice every day. Some days are better than others, but when you are living a 12-Step recovery lifestyle, life will get better along the way.

You Are Unique

We are wonderfully made by our creator. He has made each of us unique and has given us gifts and talents to offer the world. To live our best life, we must discover, realize, and walk in the purpose God has made us for.

So, let’s show up as ourselves- our best selves.

Although comparing ourselves to other women is normal, it’s not productive. Again, let’s learn to compare ourselves with the person we used to be. This is a much better way of evaluating our physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual growth.

So, the next time that we see a woman who is in great shape and looks like she has it all together, we can simply say to ourselves, “She looks great!” and leave it there. We don’t have to go into an envy-dialogue–“I wish I looked like that.” Or “I wish I was her size.”, etc.).

Learning to like who we are and building on that will help us resist the comparison game. It will help us to focus on cultivating our uniqueness and our purpose.

No one can live our lives for us. So, let’s stop comparing ourselves and wishing we were like someone else. Let’s start living our own lives—walking out our purpose and our own life story.

Be the best you that you can be!

If you resonated with or enjoyed this blog post, please leave a comment. Thank you!

Cynthia