What’s Eating You?

Have you ever heard the phrase, “It’s not what you’re eating, it’s what’s eating you”?  Well, whoever coined that phrase knew what they were talking about. It’s true, right? When we eat food, especially when we’re not hungry, it’s about how we are feeling and our mood.

It’s about covering up and pushing down those feelings and thoughts that we simply don’t want to deal with. When will it be time to let go and deal with those feelings? The cover-up can only last so long until it begins to affect our health and the number on the scale starts creeping up and up.

Using Food as a Drug

Using food to mask our feelings, is like using a drug. When any substance or thing becomes like a drug to us, our lives become uncontrollable. We become like an alcoholic or a drug addict, with food. It may seem harsh to say it that way, but it’s true. Think about it.

When I was in the food, I obsessed about it. I woke up thinking about what I was going to eat for breakfast. Then I’d snack on junk food in between meals to help me get through my day.

I had so many reasons why I felt like I needed to eat. Looking back, I grew up with feelings of insecurity and not feeling good enough. That part of me just followed me into adulthood. On top of that, the stress of life crowded in on me as well.

Not knowing how to deal with life issues, I just continued to use food to feel better.  My struggle with food caused me to gain weight. Throughout the years, I’ve gone on diet after diet. I’ve lost and gained weight so many times throughout my life.

Seeking an Answer

In my 20’s, I surrendered my life to Jesus. During my journey with God, I would journal my prayers. One day, I ran across one of my journals and many of my prayers included asking God to help me stay on a diet or help me to eat right. I didn’t know what to do.  I obviously didn’t know the answer to my weight issue, which was really a food issue.

As time went on, I continued to diet because I thought it was the only way to lose weight and to keep it off. I think most of the diets that I went on were not sustainable, especially the expensive commercial diets. Most of my diets seemed to not have an adequate amount of nutritional food. They typically offered processed frozen foods or canned food on their menu plans.

I’ve dieted for over 40 years! I feel like I’ve wasted years of my life trying to find the right diet- that needle in a haystack. That magical diet that would keep my weight off for good. Well, I never found it; but I eventually found something far better.

Diets Don’t Work!

What I didn’t realize was that diets didn’t work for me. It was like God had to hit me on my head to get my attention! “Cynthia! diets don’t work for you!”

In 2009, when I finally gave up dieting, God stepped in and showed me what I needed to do to lose my weight and keep it off. I was invited to a 12-Step program called, FA (Food Addicts in Recovery Anonymous). When I went to my first meeting, I didn’t know what I was stepping into. But God knew!

The FA Program was a long-waited answer to my prayers.

You’re Ready When You’re Ready

I’ve thought about why God didn’t show me this program years ago. I truly believe that I wouldn’t have been ready to receive what this program offers. I would have rejected it outright. After 40 years of diet research, the evidence was clear to me. Diets don’t work for me!

At my first FA meeting, I heard the leader share her story about the many diets that she tried but couldn’t keep the weight off. I heard about her not being able to control her eating. She couldn’t only eat a few cookies, but she had to eat the whole tray of cookies. She couldn’t just eat a few chips. She said that “an open bag was an empty bag!”

At that first meeting, I realized that I needed what this program offered. I needed sanity around food. I needed to stop eating food addictively. I needed a way of life that included eating nutritious food and treating my body as a temple of God.

An Answer at Last

I felt that I was finally heard, seen, and understood. I was ready to try this program and to see where it would take me. I got a sponsor that very day, who gave me a food plan. She helped me step by step understand what the program offers and the benefits of working the 12-Steps.

The structure of what this program offers is what I needed all along. The FA program is definitely not a diet, it is a way of life. It is a holistic way of living because it encompasses not only what I eat, but what’s eating me. It addresses both the addictiveness of flour and sugar (processed foods), as well as my relationship with God and others.

12-Steps

Like in other 12-Step programs, the first step is to admit that I am powerless over food and that my life had become unmanageable. For me, it was a no-brainer that I was powerless over food. However, it took a little more time to admit that my life had become unmanageable.  I had a good job, a family, a house, a car. I thought my life was quite good.

But, when reflecting on my obsessive thoughts over food and what I did to get my food, I had to admit that it made my life unmanageable. The food took up too much of my thoughts and robbed me of being present with family and friends.

After Step 1, I proceeded on through each Step and that’s where I found recovery. Today, I can walk in this life with purpose and perspective. I can do this one day at a time, with God’s help.

A Way of Life

I have a routine of living that includes prayer and quiet time with God in the mornings, readings, a call to my sponsor, and more. This way of life affords me to live the life that I’ve always wanted. The food no longer controls me because I surrender, each day, my will to God.

My food plan does not contain flour or sugar because they are addictive substances to me. With these substances out of my system, I no longer have cravings for sweets or any processed foods. Without cravings, it makes it easier for me to stay on my food plan.

I’ve been able to maintain over a 40lb. weight loss for 10 years now.  My life has been more fruitful in the past 10 years than ever before. I’m able to travel year after year and maintain my weight. Holidays come and go, and I continue to maintain my weight.

Challenges

Don’t get me wrong, it’s not always easy to stay on track with my eating. This is why I lean heavily on working my FA tools, which include accountability with God, my sponsor and reaching out to my FA fellows when I’m tempted to eat something other than my food plan.

My journey in FA has truly been a miracle. I encourage anyone who is having issues with their eating. If you are going on diet after diet and you can’t seem to find a solution to your weight problem or if you suffer from anorexia or bulimia, please check out my resource page to find your answer.

If you haven’t seen my “before” and “after” pictures, just click on the link at the bottom of my Bio page.

Please leave a comment if this post has been helpful to you in any way.

Cynthia