Are You Willing To Make Amends?

Step 8 Made a list of all persons we had harmed and became willing to make amends to them all.

To be willing to make amends to people I’ve harmed was a huge step in my process of recovery. This Step meant that I no longer wanted to repeat the same negative behaviors. While it created some anxiety and feelings of vulnerability, I continued to push through my fear of being rejected by those I’ve hurt. Even though I had those feelings, I couldn’t let them stop me from attaining recovery.

However, Step 8 is only preparing  us to make amends to those we have harmed. One of the key words here is “willing.” Our willingness is the first step in healing our past relationships and to potentially create new ones, if possible.

The word, “harmed” may be a little unclear to us. Therefore, the words below can give us a clearer picture of what is meant in this Step.

Earlier, in our recovery Steps, we made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves (Step 4). We wrote about our negative behaviors and the things that affected us and others in our past. As a result of that exercise, we should already have an idea of the people to which we should make amends.

Please note that just because we’ve written down a list of names, it doesn’t necessarily mean that we need to make amends to all of them. It’s helpful to discuss this with a sponsor or another person, who we trust, what should be done in certain situations. This is where we need to be sensitive to God’s direction. We don’t want to unintentionally devastate others for the sake of our feeling better about ourselves.

There may also be people on our list that need to be set aside for a period of time because we are not emotionally ready to take the next step with them. We may need to work through deeper issues with a therapist or a counselor beforehand.

Our list of names doesn’t need to be exhaustive, because we may not remember certain things that have happened in our past. There will be other opportunities to make amends as we continually work through the recovery steps. Remember, this is not a one-time process, it’s a way of life. So, there will be continuous opportunities for God to refresh our memories.

As you work through Step 8, ask God for the willingness to make amends to those you have hurt. Ask Him to help you set your ego aside and to take hold of the courage you will need to follow through to the next step. God will always give you what you need to accomplish His will.

If you have worked through Step 8 in your recovery process, please share your experience with this Step.

Cynthia